| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|03:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
I loved the child in him
so innocent and sweet
The mischief in his eyes
the blush upon his cheek
The tender way he spoke
that showed me that he cared
The touch of his warm hand
that gently touched my hair
The smiles that we shared
that filled my life with glee
For when I was with him
I found the child in me |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|03:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
if i
If I don't smile and I start to cry,
you can bet that there's a reason why.
If I look to the stars above,
I'm searching for an ounce of love.
If I close my eyes and start to smile,
you can bet, I'm thinking how you're worthwhile.
If I stop breathing, and close my eyes,
then I saw your reflection in the sky.
If I pray everyday and every night,
it's about you soon being in my sight.
If I lick my lips and my eyes grow soft,
thoughts of you are not far off.
If I lay down my head and fall asleep,
dreams of you flow very deep.
If I'm very sad and extremely blue,
I smile and think of how I love you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|06:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Glimmer Of Hope?
by Richardson Mary Beth
A glimmer of hope, in eyes used to pain.
Don't trust your heart; love is a game.
Yearning to find love; love that will last.
A glimmer of hope; sparks from the past.
The past is your present and the future is unclear.
Being alone is your greatest fear.
Will happiness come? Or does loneliness stay?
A glimmer of hope; you will find a way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|08:08 pm] |
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| | amused | ] |
i love u too steph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! miss u muah |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|03:47 am] |
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| | amused | ] |
lifes weird...lol i think we all know that..i moved out of dufferin and langstaff and moved into a area where i can go anywhere with out the stress of wondering how i will get home cuz i always can ...i read allot of livejournals tonite and i have to say ....i never really thought i could grow soo much apart from poeple i love in a span of two years..but it seems that i have i dont really consider myself friends with some people who i thought i would have a lasting friendship with ..but i was wrong and reading their livejournals proved it to me tonite ...it was a real shock but its something i should have seen b4...ok my dating situation...my last dating experience was well bad lol at first he gave me everything i wanted everything felt really perfect ....but things crashed badly ...im just not goin to date anymore guys who have issues...about being gay or being in a commited relationship....it did teach me something tho about how much society can drive a gay man up the wall , in the past three years i have always felt comfortable with my sexuality but dating someone out in the open showed me how much more restricting it is for gays.....i hate the fact that gays and lesbians feel the need to go to church st so they can not have people look at them funny..i hate that we have to go there to feel safe...i hate the fact that for a time i felt this way too...and another note it has come to my attention that allot of people have been talking shit about me calling me dirty, a slut ho whatever....i have this to say i apologize for nothing ......i liked talking about sex wen i first came out and it felt great to fianly be free and express myself and talk about things i wanted to talk about after soo many years of not being able to soo to those who didnt like it....go fuck yurselves i dont care and the peeps who talked shot about me should really look at themselves and some of the shit they have done...i guess i am the bad boy go out do drugs have wild sex in wild places...but at the same time im a good boi i care allot about people and im loyal this i know is true but it seems like others dont take the time to notice that....so fuck u motha fuckers if u dont take the time to know the real me yur not worth my breath ill talk about giving rim jobs and sucking cock as much as i want to and how i like to choke on a nice 8 inch cock mmmmmmmm....in other news im done with buffalo soo much drama in one small store soo much bullshit and soo much hype..the store itself was great i loved the clothing but not the people i worked for....so im goin to find a better job not retail well i hope lol....i want to go back to school i just found out recently i could even go to york if i wanted to i just have to take the steps to get in ...and u know what i might do them i actualy very eager to get back into school last year i wasnt but now i feel like i have to for myself...i want to take human studies i want to become a counselour a gay activist soooo much has happened thses past few years and ive seen so much that i know this is what im meant to do (ill explain in detail in my next journal) its just ive been outsider and i stepped inside for a moment and ive observed but theres a whole lot more i need to learn and i know i will its just something i see myself doin ......and instead of having arguements on how things are in this world i think we should have disussions put our views out there and look at others views asswell take it all in and then talk about the issues and how to make things work without restricting someones freedom. being in a minority has allowed me to be more open to other things and to not judge as quikly and not to be completely prejudice its allowed me to have an open mind and observe...and to my friend who once said a man and a woman complete eachother i have this to say....yur soo wrong...two people who have consideration for eachother and who are mature enough to be in a commited realtionship without fuking around complete eachother love is love no matter who it is or what...love completes to people. and finaly a lil story on sat night me and tara were feeling stressed bored and depressed we decided to go on gay.com and find someone who would smoke us on a joint total randomness night lol it turned out we met a great guy..who goes to york and drove here to come chill with us in my room...i told my mom i was having two people over one of which was tara who she knew was there...nate came over and we just had a fun time just chilling in my room fro like an hour it wasnt even late it was 1030..my mom stromed in my room being the curious cat she is and saw nate was there....not only was he a guy but he was black too which made my mom basically kick us out lol oy i mean my mom knew i had two people over i didnt do anything she didnt know about yes i smoked a joint in my room i know that was bad but come on just cuz he was black she had to flip her lid the way she did sheeesh w left my place drop tara home and i went to york rez to chill with nate who is cute cute cute and i loved talking to him who knew i would have a random night and meet someone soo cooool my discussions with him were sooo .i dunno just cool and his values made him even more attractive to me...but i have no expectations i think i just made a cool new friend ...to my mother who will prob never read this, this is something that had to have happened u needed a reality check...im gay stop being in denile about that and just see for yurself its time u realized this and stop living in a world where u think im str8 ....its true pareants of gays who are in denile about their childrens sexuality need this kind of reality check to realize its actualy real ...which was funni cuz nate was just a friend in my room just chillin and drinking lol...anywho peace everyone and please excuse my spelling im still a blond at heart |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|01:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
since i found you....oh come on boy and love me love me love me...meet me up at da club papi ......cuz baby i give me myself and i...take a chance boy and love me love me love me...we gots to find a way, babe....can u get away, get out tonite?....can i meet u at the door with nothing on? take u by the hair and let u know its on? if really want me, if u really need me, den u gotta have me...can i dip it low, pick it up slow, roll it all around poke it out till my broke show, and show u how ima make u say ooo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oooo00oH! cause im dangerously in love with u, baby i love, soo proud, proud to be yur boi boo, just keep loving me,let me cater too u, cuz baby i see u working hard wanna let u know im proud, let u know i admire wat u do, u inspire me to better, sit back and let me pour all my lover letter, whatever u desire ill supply ya........im a slave for u, i wont deny it im not trying to hide......like that? this feels good, oh boi u make me bust twice, whats practical what logical ..who cares all i know is im soo happy wen i see u dancing there....cuz ive been allot places seen allot of faces, ah hell i even fucked with different races...but baby boi u stand on my mind fullfilled my fantasy.......so just gimme the weed and make me smoke it yo, u take a few hits, and just hit me from behind, smack dat ass up, cuz u could do it with your back into it, cuz i wanna ride de pony, jump on it, ride it, lets do it ride it dat pony, yur saddles ready ill come jump on it, just once if i had the chance...the things i would do to u, cuz im the bomb, haters said it wont last known how many birds i flown past? u catch me at the hot spot...cuz boi i seen u since u came bouncin thro the doo,r started to do yur thing and made me notice u even more...watever the case im feeling u right here and right now...this could be very well be the start of something special...lets it cracking boy, aint gonna front i wannna lick lick lick u from yur head to yur toes, move from the bed down to the dirty floor ...no i aint gonna lie, i love babe aaiiiight |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|02:55 am] |
* (*&)Bé@U+!fU)*D!$@s+éR(&*) * |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|02:24 am] |
so hows life right now for yigal....well lets see i have been working in retail for a year now...boy is that sad...but its true fag are the best wen it comes to that....mua hahahha.....so ya it started with old navy...moved up to urban planet (eeww exco)...and now..BUFFALO jeans, and i must say working at buffalo is the most stressfull job i have ever had...ive never worked in a place where they push u sooo hard to sell ...and if u dont....they get very negative towards u...they basically put u down..and for someone like me whos been put down his whole life it can be very bad for me..but somehow i managed and grew to stop caring what they say too me....because well im one of the best sellers that store has...i pull in big numbers..most times even the highest...AAHH Down town...ive been recently been working at the buffalo that located on young st right across from eaton center...ive never been soo happy working before...while the whole me trying rack in the sales is stil in the back of my mind....ive never worked in such an amazing atmosphere...wen i first started there i was there to just help out i never thought i would like it soo much that i have had thoughts of doin something that i never thougt of doin onkly dreamed of doin in the future....which is to start working at a store down town....its all still just a thought right now but its a thought that i have been taking seriously and have been talking with others about...yigal down town almost everyday? do i dare.....fact is....i pull big numbers there as well...i could make even more money there then i would at promanade....i love the manager on young...i think of him as a friend and hes awsome..ive never met someone was soo comfortable about being gay..his sence of humour is soo diva and glam thats its amazing...he actualy reminds me of my friend bobby which is y i think i like lance soo much ....but hes a cool manager and id love to work under him (no pun intended).....but i still dont know..whether theyd like to belive it or not promanade needs me...:S ive pulled some of the highest numbers these past few weeks...and i dunno if i could make the mission to DT all the time....ive been working soo much that i think i need a vacation..i think the week of my birth day i will take one... but ya where am i now who iam now? god i still dont know...i have all these fantasies i wanna be more out there..i wanna be more wild..i wanna be more thin lol i wanna preform for the world and not bee shut down...i guess its easy for people to shut me down and treat me like shit...most likely cuz i let em but i need to change that.....most of all i ran into allot of homophobia these past few weeks aswell and it shows me that i do really need to speak out for gay rights wen im older...and thats wat i plan to do...bond are getting closer...old bonds are starting to fade..im growing closer to some..im trying to get closer to those i dont know aswell...and some of my old ties are breaking...but thats how life goes..and in my life it seems to be a patern..no one stays for long...even my own sister left...but i realized its me who needs to keep going and see in the end if those i love and need are still there...cuz i do need people...i cant so things by myself all the time..humans are not supposed to be like that..we cant grow if we are alone....anywho cheers lets get wild and for the record im not all just sex i just like feeling sexy (its all about the attitude) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|02:33 am] |
for those who dont know.....mark was a guy i met awhile ago..yes on the net...at first i had no interest in meeting him at all cuz i knew what he really wanted from me course the weeks went on and i found out i really liked talking to the big lug and i was surprised to find out he was a student teacher at my old highschool....one thursday night i gave into my hornyness and said sure y not u got a car i know a place we can go too..he came...piked me up and the next three hours was nothing but raw sex lol ...after that its history the more time we spent the more i needed to be physical with him the more we talked themore he captavated me....he always sent me msn kisses wenever i used the sticking out toung emotion (something i did allot to him in person too cuz hey i have a toung and i like to show it off) and everytime i did ithe kissed me in person it singnified that i wanted a kiss....te more time we spent and the more time we had sex the more passionate it became....i have never kissed anyone like that in my life and even after him guys i have kissed could never compare..wen things ended..i realized afterwards that i had stronger emotions for him then i let on....and i guess u never know how u truley care for a person once that person is truely gone...we kept in touch after we ended our friends with benefits bit..which he wanted to end cuz well he thought it was turning into a relationship or dating....course iknow he wa getting attacthed to me and needed to distance himself from me cuz he knew wat would happen...he did soo many sweet things..even after the sex stopped but as time grew on things stopped all together and now we are no longer even friends..something that i truely wanted but he could never go thro with it cuz according to him it would be an awkard situation to be friends with someone uved fuked...he once even called me dangerous cuz he feared that we would just end up having sex again...so where am i left now..im angry...im saddened by this cuz i didnt need to this to be just another guy..im also angry at myself that i allowed myself to get that way wen i really knew wat he had and i knew it could never go beyond that...but i did expect a friendship..i tried to have it with him.....oh well (thats wat made me angry) but i understood what he did he got attactched to someone like me and it was hard for him too just say goodbye soo he put distance and time and just disapeared....wen i found out i wasnt on his list anymore i have to admit i wanted to cry i remember about a week we talked.....it was a short 1 min convo...at the end he said goodbye..bu ti didnt know he meant for good....fuk i cant belive i let myself get into this situation...mark yur really a nice guy i know u didnt mean to get caught up in me..(actualy one time he even said i got soo caught up in u that i just cant ignore u now) of course u did what u had to do..u took yur time..u made sure not too see me or talk to me in person ...i guess the less u spend with the person the easier it is for u to lose any feelings and cares u once had for the person(being me)..i dont know if he ever cared for me..actualy i do know..he felt something i know he did..he even told me and he even showed me on many occasions...but i guess that scared him (maybe cuz i wasnt good enough) i dunno but i guess the way he dealt with it was to just bide his time...he never knew how i felt...i never told him...he never reads my live journals anymore so i know he wont know how i feel now...i cant say that i love u mark..we didnt have that much time together but i know i felt strongly for u .....i went crazy for him but hell never know ..ill always know tho and i dont know if thats a better fate |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|02:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
.......
When we first met i teased and taunted
now i fear you left me me haunted
all your words left me with bliss
i never knew i could feel like that with your kiss
you always promised me that youd be there
now u left me and im screaming unfair
you said you'd be unlike the rest
but it seems u left me all stressed
i thought we could grow
give the world something to show
ill always remeber wat u revealed to me
that making love is beautiful this i can see
ill always remember since you've been gone
it comes to me like a broken heart love song
i hurt soo much
goodbye now to a feeling as such
goodbye mark |
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